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Question: I been married for seven years. The last two years have we have not been happy. I feel like a wall has grown between us. We barely even talk about what's bothering each other anymore. If we do speak, we fight.
I recently discovered he was cheating on me for the past year. I kept asking him and he'd lie about it. Finally I caught him red-handed. Now he admits the affair and has told me everything.
Is it possible to stay married after something like this? I need an outside opinion. Maybe counseling? My husband claims to want to work on our marriage, but nothing has worked so far. We only fight. Is there any hope?
Answers:
Ms. Mystery: This man lied to you over and over. He only admitted that he lied after he was caught. You can give him a second chance only if you really want to, but keep your eyes open. Marriages can survive an affair if the person is truly sorry and loves the other person. If he didn't love you, he'd use the affair as proof that he's not happy, that your marriage isn't working, and he would get out. Move forward with him only after being very clear to him that he must earn back your trust. You may realize that you can never ever trust him again. Then it's up to you to decide if you want to live like that for the rest of your life or not. First you must address the things that caused the affair. Find out why you both weren't happy in the first place and what caused him to look outside the marriage. This could be the start of a whole new love with him - or an understanding that he's the wrong man. Time will tell. It won't be easy at first.
Mr. Know: Well there you go. Misrepresenting the facts. You haven't been married six years. You've only been married five years. If he's cheated for a year, then that last year has been most likely a mentally Hell year for you. I speak from personal experience on this, and can assure you that 95 out of 100 of these situations should end, and people should part ways. I don't know if you have children or not. But if you don't, get rid of him yesterday. Or, if you are really a glutton for punishment and want to have some fun, return the favor and cheat on him and see how long it takes him to feel the pain. Yeah, come to think of it. I recommend you do the 2nd option first. I'll make a dollar bet with you that he'll come running back to you, but when he does, tell him Good Luck and Goodbye.
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