He Can't Say 'I love you'

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Question: I am 25 and have dated the same guy for 18 months. In the first two months of dating he told he wanted to say "I love you" but  wasn't sure if he knew what love was. He told me he'd said it too early to girlfriends in the past and ended up regretting it. I waited, knowing I loved him and finally told him after five months. He couldn't say it back, and told me he thinks his actions show me his love and that words are unnecessary. He said he's happier with me than anyone else ever.

I decided to be patient, but it really bothers me. I want to hear him say "I love you." It also bothers me that we never talk about a future together or marriage. I don't know how to talk about it without seeming pushy. I don't want to scare him off, but it has been a year and a half. I don't know what to do.

Answers:
Ms. Mystery:  Girl, you are selling yourself short! Don't settle, especially at 25, for being used by a guy who doesn't love you. He's a weeny. If you love someone - really love them - you can't help but say "I love you." There is no question! It feels so right you can't hold back if you try. He's won't say he loves you because he doesn't want to get your hopes up, or for you to expect any more from the relationship that what you already have together. Get rid of this creep who is wasting your time today. Do not wait! Expect everything - at the minimum the guy can say I love you. Good grief!

Mr. Know:  Let me give it to you from a guy's perspective. First of all, what is love? We all think we know what love is, but do we really know? My ex-wife used to tell me "I love you" all the time and then she'd do some crazy shit. People use "I love you" way too much. I cringe when I hear a man or woman on the cell phone telling the other person, "I love you" after every phone call. Couples use "I love you" as much as you say hello.

Don't get me wrong. Positive affirmation is important in a relationship. If you were my girlfriend and you were saying "I love you" every hour of the day, I'd kind of get sick of it. Now I know you haven't done that, but I can assure you that your boyfriend probably experienced this in his previous relationships. So what you have here, my dear, is a guy who's gun-shy of saying "I love you." He also may be reluctant to say it because he may be afraid to commit. He thinks if he says "I love you" that the next sentence is going to be "I do."

At 25, years old, you are both adults, however I'm going to tell you what I tell my kids. Do not, absolutely not, get married until you are around 30 years old. The reason is that between 20 and 30, most people are looking to find themselves. If I were you, I would not push this guy. If he's treating you nice, and being a gentleman. If he's doing the things that show he loves you, then let him come to the point where he tells you without feeling pressured. Most likely when he tells you he loves you, he's going to be ready to say "I do."

Comments

[terra]

I have been married for six years. My husband and I have a pretty good sex life, however over the past few months we have been fighting about online porn sites. He stays up all night and looks at it. I have tried to get him to come to bed with me, hoping he will stop but nothing works. And he lies about it. I look at the history on the computer browser and it is all porn for three or four hours.

I try to get him to share it with me and he won't. It hurts. What should I do?