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Question: I just got engaged to a man I dated for three years. I have been happy with him, for some reason I checked his voicemail on his cell phone. I was just curious and I heard voicemails from two other women. I would have ignored it before, but I think now that we are engaged and things are serious, I have a right to worry.
The voice mails indicate he might be cheating on me, but I can't believe it. He seems happy with me and we are planning a wedding in four months, although he says he doesn't want to wait that long. I would do that, but I have to know if he's true to me or not! I don't want to start a marriage out on a bad note. How can I bring this up so we can deal with it now? He'll be furious that I listened to his voicemail. But this is making me mad at him and not want to have sex.
I have to know the truth before we get married or I'll never trust him. Please help.
Answers:
Ms. Mystery: Wow. First of all, some little instinct inside you told you to check his voice mail. Your subconscious is 90% of your brain power! Think about, it gathers everything you
experience with all five senses. Perhaps your subconscious added
up the following signals you didn't consciously think about: He came
home from work smelling freshly showered, he told you two different
stories about where he was, he's suddenly been late coming home, he
suddenly kisses differently, he bought new underwear on his own, he is
working out more. Now any of these signals alone are not enough to
accuse a man of having an affair so you will blow them off. Your trusty
subconscious adds them up and screams at you from inside "Check his
voice messages...." And you do. He is having an affair. Dump him.
You
can ask him about the messages, but he'll most likely lie about them
and you'll believe it. He's get mad at you for not trusting him. What
is your instinct? Trust it.. wait and gather more evidence if you like
or hire a private investigator if you have the money but it's a waste
of time. Use that money and go buy yourself something great.
Mr. Know: You checked his voice mail for some reason? Give me a frickin' break. My girlfriend doesn't check my voice mail for 'no reason." Let me give it to you from a guy's perspective. You checked his voice mail because a woman's intuition is a powerful thing. It told you he was cheating on you.
I'll bet you your engagement ring he has cheated on you. You have a couple of options. One, say nothing and marry the cheater and always have it in the back of your mind that he's cheating on you. I can see the future of that. It's gonna be a great life for you.
Option two, confront him in the following way: don't tell him you accidentally checked his voice mail b.s. Tell him you had a weird felling that he was cheating on you and now that you are engaged, which means you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend anymore and are soon to be husband/wife, you need to just flat out say "Hey, I have this weird feeling you're cheating on me. I checked your voice mail. Yes, I know I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong. I wouldn't do it again, but damn it, woman's intuition is always right. I heard two voice mails from two different women indication you are cheating on me. Now if you are man enough, then tell me whether you have done it or have currently done it, so I can make a decision on what to do, because if we get married, cheating will be part of your program."
Lady, this guy is cheating on you. Decide whether you can live with that, if you love him deeply and want to marry him. And if it's fine with you, then perhaps you can ask him to do a three-some - every guy's fantasy (I'm being sarcastic).
If he has cheated on you, you'll never be able to recover and your marriage will start on one screwed up foot. You'll be hobbling for a long time and I can assure you, sooner or later, the marriage will be over. Don't forget to mail me that engagement ring. Gold's pretty high these days.
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