Do I Stay With a Cheater?

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Question:  I recently discovered my fiance cheated physically on his first wife with someone from work. He also cheated emotionally on his second wife with someone at work. When I asked him about this he lied to me and adamantly denied cheating on either one. Finally, he broke down and told the truth, that he did cheat. He swears he would never cheat on me but I see a pattern and it scares me. When I tell him I want out he cries hysterically, begging me back and threatening that he can't live without me. Should I leave because he lied and has a history of infidelity? If yes, how do I leave without breaking his heart?

Answers:
Ms. Mystery:  Well, it sounds like he's getting better with each wife. First it was physical, then only emotional the second time, so you should have nothing to worry about. Joking! Sort of.

So you are going to be number three. It's very possible he has learned a lesson and has grown up after those two bad marriages. Perhaps he married his first wife before he was

ready. You already know his past so he is more likely to be faithful to you. To some extent people live up to what you expect, so don't go around acting like you expect him to cheat or you might push him into doing it. If you love him, there's no reason to break up over his past. Nobody is perfect.

Mr. Know: Obviously, this guy has somewhat of a pattern. You don't specify what you mean by cheating emotionally. This could mean several things. He did fess up to you and that means something. Every situation is different and you may be the one he never cheats again. If you want to ease your mind, find out why he cheated on his ex wife. He could have done this just to get out of the marriage. It's not the right way to handle it if he used cheating as the reason to get out.

He lied to you because it's not a pleasant thing to talk about. I am sure you have things you are not proud of that you have kept from him. If you are perfect, then you must be an angel. You should not punish him for his past sins, unless you have no sins. Personally, if you bring this up too many more time, this guy may leave. On the other hand, your subconscious may be telling you that he is cheating on you. You have not given enough information about your relationship with him. If he is good to you, considerate, respectful and loving, then you need shut the hell up about his past.

Comments

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i would worry less about the cheating, and FAR MORE about the crying hysterically and threatening that he cant live without her. big big red flag.