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Question: I have dated the same guy for two years. I don't feel like our relationship is going anywhere. I don't feel happy like I used to. I keep thinking about my ex boyfriend who's in a relationship and has a baby. My boyfriend doesn't satisfy me sexually anymore and we fight all the time. Sometimes I want to be with him and sometimes I don't. I cheated on him before and am considering doing it again. The problem is that if I leave him, I can't make it financially and I seem to be addicted to him. I am confused and don't know what to do. Please help.
Answers:
Mr. Know: Are you kidding me? Let me get this straight: you are not happy with him, you think about your ex, you've cheated on your boyfriend, you are not sexually satisfied and you are considering cheating on him again. You are addicted to him because he is financially taking care of you. Basically, he is your Sugar Daddy. From the way I see it, you are performing "services" for being able to have a roof over your head. Your options are really simple: (1) Get a new sugar daddy that you like and can get along with, (2) leave and find
a place to stay, (3) stop acting like a financial slut and reconsider your relationship with Sugar Daddy for the better. Goodluck and Godspeed.
Ms. Mystery: All relationships go through a "let down" phase to some extent. After the "honeymoon" phase or the infatuation stage is over, many people feel like they have fallen out of love and break up and move on, searching for that "infatuation" feeling. While you're infatuated, you think about that person constantly and want to have sex all the time. It's normal for those feelings to drop off - and somewhat disappointing at first. Try not to go from one man to another for perpetual infatuation. You'll never be happy with anyone if you fall into that pattern.
If you can get past this "let down" phase, you can give your love time to grow into a deeper love that is much more satisfying.But are you ready for that or are you still "shopping around?" If you want to have a real, grownup relationship, then you have to stop thinking about your ex. Don't even think about going and wrecking his life when there's a child involved. Things didn't work out with your ex for a reason. Sure, it's scary to break up move and be on your own. It's a lot of effort. It's easier to stay put and be unhappy, but you have to get out of this rut. It's up to you. Find ways to make your sex life exciting. Put some effort into it. Go on a date, dress up, try a new sexual position. It will work! Don't let money be the determining factor. Either try to do something good with the guy you're with or move on. It's your life - make it a good one.
@Patricia: I agree with your friends. If he's not happy with the girlfriend he should have already left her. He isn't being faithful to her by telling you he loves you and telling you their personal and private problems. If you date him he will end up doing the same things to you behind your back.
Tell him that if he has problems with his girlfriend he needs to tell her about them and try to work them out. It sounds like the classic "My wife doesn't understand me" scenario all men use when they are trying to convince another girl to have an affair with them.
Posted by: Mr. Mystery | January 07, 2009 at 02:08 PM
There is this guy who constantly says he loves me but I'm not going out with him. I want to though, but he tells me all of his problems with his girlfriend and he says that he wants to break up with her. I am scared that he is going to ask me out and my friends say that I shouldn't go out with him. What should I do?
Posted by: Patricia | January 07, 2009 at 01:58 PM