Should I Dump My Pot-Head Husband?

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Question: My partner tells me I'm uptight and he's thinking about leaving me. We've been together for nine years and have a three year old son. When we first dated, we smoked pot a lot. When I found out I was pregnant, I stopped. My partner cut back for a while, but is now back to smoking every day. He tells me he rarely smokes, but I find Visine in his pockets. I'm worried he's lying to me and smoking behind my back.

He has a job and he gets his marijuana for free, so I can't complain that he's wasting money on it. However, I hoped he'd be past this phase by now so he can be a healthy example for our son. He never smokes around our son and never is high around him, but I feel like pot is holding him back. He's 34 and still hasn't gotten his GED. He sells cars and does okay, but this economy is unpredictable. I want him to stop smoking pot and get his GED so he'll have more options in his life. He complains that I'm uptight and trying to "change him," and doesn't want to quit smoking.

Answers:
Mr. Know: Pot head at 34... I've never done drugs, but I can tell you this guy's still thinks he's in high school. Smoking pot behind your back is not cool. When you're 34 and you still have not taken the initiative to take the GED, it's a perfect example of a pot head gone bad. I don't know how much you love this

guy, but you have a very cloudy future with this guy. If you love him, then give him the ultimatum: Either pot or me and your child! One more thing, this guy needs to grow up and you need to kick him in the ass. I think you should dump this guy - he's a loser.

One last question: How does he get pot for free?? Nothing is free, I hope he's not dealing pot too.

Ms. Mystery: You have a child with this dude. It's not unreasonable for you to expect your husband to grow up! Pot kills your ambition. That's what's wrong with it. He's also risking going to jail! As far as his lame threat to leave you for being uptight - tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. Tell him to shape up or ship out.

Comments

[Tim]

I posted a comment yesterday and it's not up there. Is that because you were not happy with my comment to the question? Just because it goes against what you were saying doesn't make it wrong. If that is what you did then this site sucks.
---Reply from Ms. Mystery and Mr. Know. We agree that it would suck if a site published only comments they agree with. Thanks for the follow up. Sorry for delay. Yesterday was the first time our service was down! Thanks for the comment and showing an alternative point of view. You had some great points.

[Tim]

Actually, I disagree with the author on this story. Yeah the guy doesn't even have a GED, that sucks but it might have more to do with other things than just using marijuana. I use cannabis but I have a college degree in finance, I help a family business, and I even started a business of my own after being out of college less than two years. It is not cannabis that makes you amotivational it's the person within that decides whether to be lazy or not.

If he is a good Dad and a good husband then you should not leave him. If he is not a good dad and not a good husband then you should leave him. That's it!

Here is some advice that might help coming from a man's perspective. Make a deal with him. Tell him that you don't have a problem with him smoking pot if he gets his GED within say six months. Let him show you if he is really amotivational or not. That's way more fair than just saying "I should have the final say if you smoke pot or not."

This very topic hits deep in my emotions because I can relate to it with my ex-girlfriend. The difference however was that I was making something out of my life and I was a very gentle fun person. The only reason it made her mad was that because she couldn't have the final say in what I put into my body or not. Don't let that drag down your marriage. There is more to life than fighting.

Furthermore,ultimatums suck!!!! They are not fair, if he has not done anything to deserve that line drawn then don't draw it. If he has, then by all means leave the guy, but not just because he smokes pot.

I wonder if the author of this article drinks alcohol? How would you feel if you were a good person who loved your husband but he said ,"Do as I say, or I am gone." That is a load of crap.

--Reply from Ms. Mystery and Mr. Know: Thank you sharing your well-thought out opinion. You have brought up good points of discussion.

Sorry for the delay in publishing - our web service was down for part of yesterday. We approve all responses unless it is obvious spam. Unfortunately we must hold them for screening. Keep the comments coming!