Should I Cheat on My Husband?

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Question: I have been married for ten years and have four kids. We dated since we were 13 years old. When I was 15 I cheated on him and we broke up for two years. After that we got back together, got married and started a family. A guy I had sex with when I was 17 called me a few weeks ago, out of the blue. We've been chatting late at night. I know this is wrong! But it's exciting and I haven't felt this way in so many years. I'm so turned on that I want to cheat on my husband. Please help. Am I going to hell?

Answers:

Mr. Know: Congratulations on getting hooked up at 13. You need to stop all communication with this old boyfriend IMMEDIATELY. I speak from personal experience. My high school sweetheart contacted my brother and wanted to get my email and started e-mailing me. I did not communicate with

her because what was, is in the past and it should stay there.

Look at yourself in the mirror and figure out why you are excited about the opportunity of communicating with this guy. You aren't going to hell, but if you cheat on your husband (and I think this might be where this is leading), it might feel like hell.

Bottom line: cut the crap out, close the book - and recycle it or donate it. Get your head out of your ass.

Ms. Mystery: There is a reason things didn't work out with that other guy. There is a reason you are with your husband. Your family - four kids and a husband - are infinitely more important and valuable than a few thrilling moments talking to this ex-flame. How would you feel if you were in your husband's shoes and he was spending time on the phone with an ex-girlfriend???

Comments

[Ms. Mystery]

@lina
Your ex-boyfriend only wants what he can't have you.

This guy didn't want you when he had you. He left you to meet other women. Now that you are happily married, you're a challenge again and now he wants you.

Don't let him mess up your marriage. You are obviously married to the right man, he's there for you, you have a child.

Your ex could be dating so many other women in the world and he's after you ONLY because he can't have you. This is so typical. He has a problem. Stay away from this guy - he will never, ever change. Trust me, I know. I've seen this kind before. Many times.

Run, now, lose his phone number.

[lina]

I am married with a good husband and have a 2 year old by him.
Recently I went back to my home country. An old flame who we used to date contacted me via facebook.
We met up as friends and it went well, but it came out to be more than friends, I told him how I felt through
the years I have loved him I just stopped loving him after he told me to look for another guy and move on.
That time he could not commit and have the weakness to look for other gals, but he actually always had me in mind
and liked me thus did not want to hurt me if I became his girlfriend. This time when I was home in my country we met as
friends and our feelings all come out, he also confess that he likes me and wants to be with me. We are keeping in touch now.
What should I do? I never quite love my husband, I do care for him he is such a great family guy and is so responsible
I am such a good wife to him but this old flame of mind must happen and it ruin things between us. No doubt before I register
for marriage I doubted my love for my husband. This old flame of mine I truly love for many years and its takes hell a lot of
courage and strength to overcome my feelings towards him. Please help me, tell me what I should do, it ain't easy to forgot
true love when we married someone we merely infatuated by.

[lina]

I used to love this guy and never got over him, one day he told me I should find another guy better than him cause he couldn't commit then he was 25 years old and I was 20 then. Thus, I moved on. Recently he contacted me again, he did earlier but my email account was terminated, then he contact me through facebook. So I just casually email him back and we met up a few times I talked about my feelings and he confessed he still has feelings for me and it never went away, he told me to find another cause he did not have the confidence for himself then and want me to have a better life. I am actually married to a very good man and have a 2 year old together. My ex seems still interested in me and don't mind that we may be together later, its weird. I do still have feelings for my ex and it did not ever go away at all. I married my husband cause he is a good man but never actually loved him enough I just admired his character and all about him and know that he would be a great husband, married knowing that he will take care of me well, I do care for him though. An angel told me as well to get married to him thus, I listen cause the angel was never wrong with the advise he gives, also the angel told me to just carry on with my husband and just see how things go in years to come. Oh boy what should I do? I mean this ex does not mind maintaining the friendship or I don't know exactly what he has on mind but I sense he wants to be with me but did not have the confidence before he cares for me in that sense he did not want to hurt me cause he could not commit then. That makes me love him even more, its hard to terminate my friendship/relationship with my ex what do you think I should do. 2 of them have kindness in them should I just carry on with my life and leave things to fate to see how things will turn out?

Thank you

[Helpless]

I've being married for almost 7 years and I have 2 beautiful daughters, one is 11 months old and the other one is 4 years old. I am 27 years old and my husband is 42 years old. I have the urge to get it on, but my husband only wants to do oral sex and I want to have real sex. He always has an excuse to avoid having normal sex such as: "I do not like condoms, you are not taking the pill (but now I am and still the same), tomorrow we will have it, the girls won't let us, etc" What the hell is wrong with him on that side, I know I've gain some pounds, but I still have guys who are interesting in me. Specially, at work there is a guy who wants to have sex with me, and I really feel attractive to him, he ask me to have fun together, have awesome sex, he is married and has 2 kids. We both want to have sex, but I am afraid at the same time since I've never being on this situation before. I love my husband, but our other part of our relationship sucks badly, I'm bored, etc. I do not want to cheat on my husband, but he is pushing me. When I talk to this guy at work and I see him, I just start to think about cheating only once, but when I'm at home with my girls and my husband, I just think twice and decide not to do it...I'm so confuse!!!! My husband is a great dad, a great man, but our other part of our relationship is the one that opaques everything else. Please help me before I do something wrong that I may regreat for the rest of my life....

[Mr. Know]

Dear Sexy Wife, you've got major problems. First of all, you are not crazy or irrational to want to cheat on your husband. it is human nature to want to be physically and emotionally loved...and have SEX. Your husband has lost interest in sex because he is (a) either cheating on you for quite some time, (b) wants to become a monk (c) has some physical dysfunction or (d) he's cheating on your ass so much that he gets tired. Basically, from what I read, you're more of a servant to him than his wife. I have seen this in marriages before. It happens more than you think.

It is human nature to want to get it on. Who doesn't want some sexual healing like in the Marvin Gaye song. Why are with this guy? Looks like you are both bored with each other? Do you have kids? I guess your hubby doesn't treat you like a woman either. You need to move on and divorce your husband. DO NOT, absolutely do not cheat on your husband. What you need to do is divorce your husband and take the time to find someone that is more emotionally, physically and sexually compatible with you. Hey, there is nothing wrong with wanting more sex...however, I would suggest you are careful (once you are divorced) about having sex with ANYONE. You could catch something unpleasant.

Now, I am not trying to promote anyone divorcing but I can't see you guys making it up here base on what you wrote. However, do not, let me repeat again, do not cheat on your husband or any other person in the future. It is just not worth it.
- Show quoted text -

[Ms. Mystery]

@ Maria: This is a tough situation! Sex is an important part of expressing your love for your partner. Unfortunately, there's usually one person who has a higher sex drive than the other.

I believe true love is where you get past that "falling in love" excitement and to the "true love" part. It isn't that crazy, insane excitement, so it is an adjustment. You can spend your life going from partner to partner because you are addicted to "falling in love," but don't! Believe me, if you have kids your life will be much easier if you can work things out with the man you're with. Try to remember what first made you fall in love with him. Dress up for him (and yourself). Do something out of the ordinary. Times are tough for everyone in this recession and sex drives crash when stress is high! Think long and hard about what you want. Good luck!

[Maria]

I have almost the same problem. I feel the urge to cheat on my husband with any sexy guy I find. My husband doesn't want to have sex with me because he is always tired and upset from work. I'm to blame too but I go through hell everyday to make sure the clothes are clean, there's food on the table,etc. We have been married for five years and we both lost interest in sex. Well he lost interest more, and since I want to have sex, I'm looking for ANYONE to do it with. Well, many guys want me at work especially but I have someone else in mind who is not in my work environment who really treats me like a woman, you know flowers, chocolate, kindness. Does this seem strange or irrational? Is it such a big mistake to cheat on someone who does not want you sexually? If your partner is not interested in you physically, why the hell do you have to waste your life waiting for him to want you once a month or once in two months? I have needs and if my husband cannot give them to me, of course I'm obliged to look for what I need somewhere else. I want to live my life and SEX is a big part of it.

[moonboy]

There is no hell but the one you create for yourself here on earth. All judging aside, if you can accept the consequences of your actions, then just go for it, full speed ahead. Just be careful.