When Will My Husband Stop Wanting Sex?

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Question: When will my husband stop wanting to have sex? He's 45 and we've been married 19 years. I heard that a man's sex drive should be decreasing by now, but he wants sex three or four times a week. When can I expect him to cool off? I'm tired of sex.

Answers:

Ms. Mystery: It's normal for any couple to have differences. One person wants sex more than the other, one person is neater than the other, one person disciplines the kids more, one talks more, etc... You are two separate people. Your husband has a higher sex drive than you do. It would be just as frustrating for both of you if you had a higher sex drive than he does.

If this is your only problem, then you need to wake up and realize many women wish they had your problem. You don't want your husband running off to find sex elsewhere I'm guessing. Find new ways to make sex fun for YOU. He should be happy to go along as long as he's getting sex. Maybe you could kiss longer beforehand, maybe you want to dress sexy, or go out on a "date" sometimes. Ask him for more foreplay, or whatever it is that turns you on. Use your imagination. Have fun!

Mr. Know: Wow! You should consider yourself fortunate that after 19 years of marriage, he still wants to have sex with you 3 to 4 times a week. From a guy's perspective, at 45 years old, 3 to 4 times a week is not that much. The irony is that he probably thinks 3 or 4 times a week isn't enough. Every guy has a different sexual drive, but I think his is probably normal. There is a problem in your marriage, captain.

Either you don't want to be married to him any more, or you're going through some physical changes. It's almost like you're annoyed with him. I recommend (1) you figure out what the problem is between you and him. Maybe he's not attractive anymore or doesn't treat you nice or you just lost that loving feeling. (2) If you really don't want to have sex with him anymore, then you could let him have a little fun outside the marriage. He needs to release that sexual energy. (3) Maybe you're just tired of the marriage thing and just need a dog and a cat. Whatever it is that you need and want, you need to figure it out now, before you wake up 20 years later and say "I hate my marriage. I want a divorce."

Good Luck and Godspeed.

Comments

[Ms Mystery and Mr Know]

@M
Mr Know: It is very sad that you are experiencing the same thing. You are 45 years old, and I think it's time for you to tell your wife how you feel. Life is too short not to enjoy sex at 45. I am surprised you have not seeked extracurricular activities. If you don't confront your wife, next thing you know, you'll be 75 years old.

Ms. Mystery: I experienced the same thing but the tables were turned. I dated a guy and the minute we talked about marriage, he stopped sleeping with me. I believe it was a "Madonna - Whore" complex. When I became the "future mother of his children" he couldn't treat me as a sex object. It was very hurtful to me. The relationship was over. Unfortunately, man couples don't have the same sex drives and it's a real problem.

[M]

Lady, this is pathetic. I am a 45 year old man who craves sex with my wife. I dream of long Sunday mornings just lying in bed with her, or spending lazy summer afternoons in a hammock just making out.

Sadly, I bet she is just like you, because all of my dreams are just that, dreams. She never thinks of sex this way. She doesn't crave it, doesn't plan for it, doesn't fantasize about it - nada - zip. I have endured this for 18 years, since out kids were born, and I am completely coming apart at the seams now because of it.

I STRONGLY suggest you look at yourself and figure out what your problem is. Because there is nothing wrong with a 45 year old man who dreams of having sex with his wife all the time.