He Hits Me. Should I Leave?

Ask us your RELATIONSHIP QUESTION and get a

response from Mr. Know and Ms. Mystery...

Submit your question as a comment below, or e-mail us :

Question: Why am I the only person to see my husband's temper? I'm married and have a child with a man who hits me all the time and calls me every bad name in the book. I'm the only person who ever sees this side of him.

I talked to his exes and his mother and they all say he's a nice, sweet, calm person and that they've never see that side of him. He was with his exes longer than I have even known him. He tells me he is violent toward me because he cares more about me than any of them. My friends say I bring out the worst in him. He says he loves me and never wants me to leave him. Why does he hurt me? I did file charges against him for the abuse.   

Mr. Know: You need to pack up and leave NOW! My mother was physically abused by my father. She stayed with him for

the sake of us kids. Please do NOT make the same mistake. Call your parents, your friends, get out NOW. End of discussion. This guys is a sick jerk.

Ms. Mystery: Yes, you do bring the worst out in your husband. You need to get away from each other. He is hitting you. You would tell any of your friends the same. Leave him or you're an idiot. I doesn't matter what his family or ex's say. You are with the wrong man. It's not your fault. It's just the way it is. Go!

Comments

[Ms Mystery and Mr Know]

@Ben
Well said. Thank you for sharing your point of view. It is too easy to fall into what is comfortable, which is what you grew up with - right or wrong.

We are happy to see you recognizing that and working to change it. Recognizing a problem is half of the battle.

[Ben]

Wow, yeah, my mom was in a similar situation...she still is. My dad wasn't violent to her, just to me. But he did berate and mentally abuse all of us. He said it was because he loved us, but the truth was a fault in him, he needs to be in complete control, he needs to know you can never leave him. So he berated us and tells us we're nothing without him to get this.

With someone like this the best you can hope for is an unhappy life...the worst is that they'll go insane and seriously harm you or the kids. Don't just leave him, take the kids away. I was a kid in a situation like that, you might not see him treating your kids like this, but I bet he is or will at some point. Take pictures or whatever you need to do to prove he's violent towards you, then get yourself and your kids as far away as possible.

Never go back, I know it's tempting. There's something oddly safe in a relationship like that, but whatever he says he will never have changed enough. I have the same problems as my dad and I try desperately to stop them, but even though I know what they are and desperately want to stop them I still fall into the same mess. No matter how much I think I've changed I can always fall back into that.