Is Phone Sex Cheating?

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Question: I am in an argument with my best friend. Is phone sex cheating? She is married and has three kids and told me she had phone sex with one of her old boyfriends who she was madly in love with before she got married. She says she doesn't think what she did is wrong.

I'm shocked! What do you think? Is it wrong to have phone sex with someone else while you are married? Is that considered cheating?

Answers:
Ms. Mystery: First of all, yes your friend was emotionally cheating on her husband by relating that way with another man. You know her husband would see it as cheating. Ask your friend how she'd feel if her husband did the same. If that really wouldn't bother her then she either doesn't love him, or they

have an open marriage. Technically she didn't cheat on him. It certainly isn't as bad as actually doing the deed.

Mr. Know Is this a trick question? The easiest way to answer this is to turn the tables around. Have her husband call someone he's dated and give her phone sex while she listens. I'm sure she'll be entertained. The odds are that she'll realize phone sex may not be physical cheating but it is mental. There's a bigger problem here, captain. Why is she giving phone sex to an ex? Why isn't she giving phone sex to her husband? There's more to the story. My guess is there's more than phone sex going on.

Comments

[nicole]

So I've been having a long distance relationship for some time now.... He often brings up the question "What are you gonna do to me when you see me?" I have no idea what to say! We haven't had sex in real life and I don't really know his body! What do I say? I'm not very good with my imagination.

[relationship problems]

Very interesting post. Personally, I think it is already a form of cheating. You should not engage into phone sex with someone else. There may be no contact physically but mentally and emotionally cheating is already taking place.

[Mr. Know]

@Kat from Mr. Know:
Are you effing kidding me? You're confused over stupid ass stuff. First of all, how can you really have a relationship with a guy in Australia if you've never met him? How the hell do you date online?

So, you masturbated with someone else online. Why the hell didn't you call your "online boyfriend to do that." This entire thing is silly. You can't have a relationship with someone you've never even met. That's crazy.

Your Australian boyfriend is most likely banging someone else. You're carrying guilt about masturbation when it's not necessary. Stop beating yourself over the head.

You do NOT have a boyfriend until you have a personal and physical relationship. Stop spending so much time online and meet some "real people."

[Ms. Mystery]

@Kat from Ms. Mystery:
I read recently that more people in their 20s believe cheating is wrong. However, more people in their 20s are actually cheating. According to the article, people are cheating more now because it is so easy to sneak around due to cell phones, text messages and emails. It was pretty difficult to sneak around back in the day where you'd have to call the other person's home or office directly. The spouse or secretary might answer and you'd have to make up some quick lies.

Here's the bottom line: A committed relationship means you do NOT have any kind of sex, even phone or e-sex with any other person unless you both agree ahead of time that it's okay.

Phone sex with this another person is cheating. If you're in a committed relationship then you don't share that part of yourself with others - physically or mentally. That is what a monogamous relationship is.

Here is your real problem: You've have never met your boyfriend in person, so is that a real relationship you need to be faithful to?

Your relationship with your boyfriend is only mental at this point so of course you miss the physical part. That is a big part of a relationship, and to tell the truth, I wouldn't consider it a real relationship if it was me.

Talk to your boyfriend and decide if you are both willing to be faithful until you meet. Specify whether that includes phone sex.

[Kat]

Also as to the whole masturbating to voices thing?if my bf did it over the phone or over the net?i would be fine with it..we are open minded like that..but if it was in person?in my own opinion unless we agreed to us having sex with other partners that would be cheating..but im new to the net so im not sure..i never had phone sex till today and i felt stupid..i had no idea wut it was really...i was just told to listen..and i did..and i got off..and im told that's how it kinda works...but i never met the person.he is a stranger...so idk...i wasn't attached in any way and never thought about him in any way other than a stranger on the phone talking..so idk..i didn't feel like it was cheating,i was merely turned on by a voice and went with it..never having met the person...hes from a different country as well..so would it just be mentally cheating than?even tho im not married and never met the person?

[Kat]

I was wondering... I'm doing an e relationship right now. I live in America and my guy lives in Australia. I've never met him in person but I've known him a few months online and we started dating almost a month ago. Is listening to someone's voice and masturbating with it if it's a stranger online and watching porn considered cheating? I'm not sure... but I did it because haven't had sex in three years and I had gotten horny and can't usually get myself off unless I have help. I don't masturbate often, maybe 5 times a year. So I guess I'm confused because a guy from online said he would help me out and I was thinking of my boyfriend the whole time. I haven't really heard my boyfriend's voice much except maybe 6 times. There wasn't any cams on, just audio and I was thinking of my guy, not the guy who was behind the voice, so is that cheating? I'm confused. I'm not married by any means.

As to the whole masturbating to voices thing- If my boyfriend did it over the phone or over the net, I'd be fine with it. We are open minded like that, but what if it was in person? In my opinion, unless we agreed to us having sex with other partners that would be cheating. But I'm new to the net so I'm not sure. I never had phone sex until today and I felt stupid. I had no idea what it was really. I was just told to listen and i did, and I got off. I'm told that's how it kinda works, but I never met the person. He is a stranger. I wasn't attached in any way and never thought about him other than a stranger on the phone talking, so I didn't feel like it was cheating. I was merely turned on by a voice and went with it. Never having met the person (He's from a different country as well) so would it just be mentally cheating even though I'm not married and never met the person?

[Ms. Mystery]

@zaine from Ms. Mystery:
Wow, your friend is in a tough spot!

First of all, it was only phone sex as far as he knows. Yes, this is still cheating, emotionally - but it could be worse. She needs something from her husband that he is not giving her! He should use this as an opportunity to find out what the problem is and work on it. The could can grow closer through this.

He should be thankful that he found her having 'phone sex' before it was anything worse. He shouldn't accuse her of doing more without evidence.

If these two can communicate openly they can resolve this. If not things will get worse. I wish him luck.

[zaine]

Exactly the same happened to one of my best friend. he found his wife having phone sex with her old boy friend. they have two kids and married for 9 years. though his wife apologize him for that and promised not repeating such thing. He loves his wife very much. What should he do? His main query is whether his wife will be loyal to him after that or not because every time he's away from home he fears of any such thing happening again. Also he's not sure whether there's any thing more than only phone sex between his wife and her boyfriend.