The Secret to Pleasing a Woman in Bed

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Question: Until 16 days ago, my wife and I made love almost every day. Suddenly  I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm 43 and she's 34 and we've been happily married for 12 years. I'm the one who wanted it every day. If it were up to her, we'd do it twice a week.

We've been happily married for 12 years. I'm the one who always wanted it every day. If it were up to her we'd do it a couple of times a week. I have a feeling she does it for me out of obligation, not pleasure. This suspicion didn't bother me until two weeks ago when I asked her how similar she thought the feeling inside her vaginal walls were compared to the sensitivity of my penis. I used to think the first few inches in the vagina felt pleasure during sex and expected her to say it felt great for her too. Her answer stunned me.

She said she doesn't really feel anything inside! I need to know she really enjoys sex or I can't reach orgasm. Now that I know she doesn't feel anything inside, I've totally lost interest in sex.

I used to love thinking about sex all day and having fun with our little inside sex jokes, innuendos, gentle kissing and touches, but now it's all gone. My wife says she's happy I haven't talked about sex lately. I am totally and secretly falling apart inside. I've since read that other women have limited feeling of the vaginal walls. I've known for years that she doesn't put fingers inside while masturbating and that didn't mean anything to me until now.

I want to talk to her, but she hates talking about sex, so she would get defensive and feel hurt. If I keep it to myself it will

cause resentment and animosity.

To know she doesn't feel anything inside leads me to irreversible and downward sadness. I feel like a major part of my life is all deception now.

My wife has also had recent gynecological problems preventing sex. The doctor tells her this is stress related.

Should I see a therapist or just take life as it comes and live out an awkward meaningless and emotionally sad sex life?   What should I do?

- Torpedoed below the belt line

Answers:
Ms. Mystery: I can see why you might be in shock over the news that women don't feel a lot inside during sex. It's true with all women as far as I have seen. Perhaps there are a few lucky women? Of course we don't talk about it, except to each other, usually.

The woman's pleasure comes mostly from the clitoris. The feeling of the penis inside is a wonderful feeling of "fulfillment," but it is no where near orgasm.

I've heard of women having "vaginal orgasms," but I've never met anyone who has. I think what actually happened is that during the motion of sex, somehow their clitoris was stimulated.

You've been having sex nearly every day the entire time you've been together! Believe me, that isn't happening unless she enjoys it.

The most important thing in any relationship is communication. You must talk to her about it. But I suggest approaching it by telling her you didn't realize women didn't feel that much inside - make her realize you are talking about ALL women, not just her, so she doesn't feel like you think she's weird.

Now that you know more about women and how we're made, I hope you can get her to tell you how to please her. Women are pretty simple, really. Touch her on that one little spot (the clitoris) and you can totally control her - mind, body and soul.

Mr. Know: There is no need to feel like your ship is sinking. One of the problems in your marriage, in my opinion, is that you have a different sex drive than your wife. Depending on how this is handled, it can get better or worse. The key is to communicate with her. If you don't, you will build resentment inside. Now, thinking about sex 24/7, I couldn't do that. There is too much work to do. :-)

Dude, the biggest problem you have is actually education on your part. I've been there, so please do not feel like I am going to preach here, but just give you some suggestions. Depending on the woman, penetrating is not what makes a woman have an orgasm.

If you want to make a woman reach orgasm, then you have to think outside the Box, I mean hole. :-) Women are turned on by gently touching the clitoris, which is higher up from the hole. If you do not know where it is, there are web sites on the Internet that can show it.

If you really want to make a woman come, and get her worked up, I suggest kissing and licking her there.

The best way is to use your left hand to spread the skin around the clitoris, away from the clitoris. And then you lick it, suck it or both with your tongue gently. Move your tongue either in sideway motion or you can move it in circular motion.

Depending on the woman and her sensitivity, she will get aroused very quickly and most likely have an orgasm in a relatively short period of time.

Now, you are not going to believe this, but I have seen a woman have an orgasm in 1 SECOND. I am not kidding. Yes, that is correct. I did not say 1 minute. I said 1 second.

Talking about sex all the time can get old for me personally. It takes the fun out of sex if you talk about it all the time. I think your wife feels the same way. So cut the crap.

Another issue you need to discuss is her stress levels with her gynecological problems. Being her husband of 12 years, you must help her with this. If it is stress related, you need to help her figure out what are the causes of her stress. I don't know your situation but it seems there is more things you need to uncover. I don't want to make you paranoid, but a 34 year old woman should not be having less sex unless (1) she is stressed due to kids, finance or job, (2) you stress or piss her off or (3) she found someone else.

If you communicate with her you can solve this. Make sure you do not put her down or make her feel small. How you say things is as important what you say. Good luck and Godspeed.

Comments

[Anonymous]

I just have to say that I personally have had a g-spot or vaginal orgasm. They aren't mythical. Stats I have seen suggest only around 30% of women have experienced them. I did a poll in a debate forum I frequent, and got similar stats, so I started a "sex forum" as a place to help women find their spot. Anyway, it's true, most women feel little on the inside, but def. not all, and obviously the wife is exaggerating, because she wouldn't have so much sex otherwise.