Lying and Online Dating

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Question: I have always wanted someone to love but have never really dated. I had a troubled childhood. Abusive parents and sexually abused by my older brothers. It was such hell that during the abuse I would pretend to be somewhere else. I feel so dirty and ashamed about my life and what has happened to me that started lying to everyone in my life during my teens. I never let anyone get close to me because I was afraid they'd learn the truth and that they'd reject me sexually if they knew the truth.

I am in my mid twenties and am lonely so I started chatting online to meet a potential mate. I started enjoying the discussions and actually met someone after a few weeks who I like. This person was closed at first, like I am. Then they opened up and I feel like they are just like me. The only problem is that I haven't opened up to them. I have lied about where I came from, where I work everything except my true

feelings. This person is madly in love with me and wants to meet me. I love them too, but am too afraid of meeting them in person. They will find out I lied and I will love them. They have also been through a lot in their life so I hope they can understand. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Ms. Mystery: As far as lying to this person online, you learned to pretend the bad things were not there by using you imagination as a child. You should consider writing to use your vivid imagination and make it a positive thing you got from your bad childhood experiences. 

The fact that you lied about where you live, and your profession means that you aren't happy with those things. Work on changing those things so you can be happy with yourself. First you must understand the bad things in your childhood do not mean you are a bad person, this may take counseling. But you do recognize your problem, this is a positive step.

You have to tell the person you met on online the truth as soon as possible. Tell them why you lied - were you ashamed of the truth? Were you trying to be safe online until you trusted the person?  Once you tell them the truth, you must leave it up to them if they want to stay friends or become more. You have not met in person, that is a new step and it should start out right. You must tell the truth either before you meet or when you meet in person. The sooner you tell the truth, the better. The relationship is built on lies and that could never work unless the lies are erased quickly.

Mr. Know: I'm sorry for your bad childhood. If anyone should feel dirty, it's your older siblings.

The past is past, the future is future. You can only change the future. Pretending online to be someone you are not is very common. How do you know this person is not pretending also? Meeting people online can be tricky. I don't know how long you've been conversing with this guy, but be careful.

Your option is simple. Tell him the truth online or tell him in person. You are making this way too complicated. The next time you see your older siblings, slap the crap out of them. They ruined your childhood, and I really feel for you. But don't let them ruin your future.