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Question: Okay guys, a little advice here please, I just found out that 9 months ago my girlfriend had an affair. I only found out because her phone bills went from £30pm to £140pm. When I confronted her she told me it was a female friend who was going through a difficult patch. This did not wash and although I could not prove anything. I kept digging.
6 months later she finally admitted to texting a bloke, again it did not wash so I kept on digging. A few nights later she admitted to meeting him 5 times over the 3 month period. One of these times was at MY HOUSE while i was OUT WORKING for our family !!
She admitted to kissing on these occasions and going to meet him, and meeting him at her friend's house. However she will not admit they were intimate!!!!
I find it hard to believe, if not impossible, that 2 people can have an affair over a period of time and not be intimate!! She said he tried to "go down on her once and she told him to stop and leave." She says that was it that was the only intimate time!! Why cant she TELL ME THE TRUTH???
Them being in my home killed me. Surly being honest about sex won't make me feel any worse.
She says it was never physical on her part, and that she was going through a bad patch with me and he was saying all the right words. She says she never found him physically attractive, and it was all in his patter. She says she never had feelings for him only for the things he said. If this is so why risk a seven year relationship? Why risk leaving 2 children fatherless? Why risk it at all?
She says she loves me and want us to get married and live happily ever after, BUT I NEED to know THE TRUTH. How can I get her to finally come clean and tell me everything? She claims she has but she also claimed for 9 months while I was asking her to come clean that she had not been unfaithful??
Any ideas greatly appreciated.
Answers:
Ms. Mystery: Every relationship goes through a rough patch. Just ask your grandparents! It's all a matter of getting past it and forgiving each other and moving forward.
If it is true, as she said, that you were going through a rough patch and this guy came along saying all the right things, then you must resolve the problems of your relationship and why.
She did have an affair, whether it was consummated or not. She may never tell you all the details and it really doesn't matter. She doesn't want to tell you everything (if there is more to tell), because she is afraid of losing you! She loves you and wants to marry you. If you don't want to marry her then it's over. If you do, then do it and never look back. Be happy you got through this and give her your love. Tell you you realize you are partly to blame and you love her too.
Mr. Know: Unless you absolutely find out the truth or re-frame your mind, this entire nightmare will drive both of you crazy. From what you have said, it is evident that she had an affair at your friend's house and at "your"house. I do not understand why you refer to the house as "my" house after having lived with her for seven years and had two children. I do not know English law but if you have the attitude that is "your" house only after being together for so long, there are major issues between the two of you.
Dude, she is lying to you because she wants to stay with you because she loves you and realized she made a mistake or she needs to stay with you for financial reasons. If she stopped him from going down on her that means they were naked together.
This is tough one. It really comes down to whether you can take part of the blame for the issues you had with her, which drover her to another man. If you do not believe you caused her to go to another man, then you both have bigger problems.
Do you love her? Do you want to stay with her? Can you handle it emotionally that she slept with another man? Can you re-frame your mind and forget the past and look to the future? Do you want to stay with her and "both of your children?
You have to make up your mind what you want to do with your life here? Please do not spend years trying to make a decision. It is not fair to her, you or the children.
Good luck and Godspeed.
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