Help! I Can't Stop Thinking About Her!

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Question: I have a confusing problem and I can't sleep at night. I am a 21 male, in college. I had a crush on a girl I knew in high school. We didn't speak much but I was thinking of her all the time. A few months ago I saw her by chance on the street.

Since then I couldn't forget her, so I got her phone number from a mutual friend. I called her and she seemed happy to hear from me. I told her I wanted to see her.  She didn't say any thing for a while, then she said that she couldn't because she doesn't know me well. I told her "Frankly, I like you and wanna know you more." She sounded confused and said she wants more a natural and spontaneous relationship. She said "I know you're a good guy but I don't know any thing about you. I can't!" She asked me where I got her phone number and I told her "a friend." Later that day I texted her "Is there any hope? please send me yes or no! I've been living on dreams for 5 years. I don't want to continue depending on fake dreams." She didn't reply so I texted an apology.

Three months later I sent her another text, "Hey, how are you? How are your exams? I hope you're okay.  Sorry I was confused when I talked with you." She didn't reply. A few days ago I saw her. She goes to school in another town. Her sister goes to my college so every time I see the sister I think about that girl.

I know it sounds stupid but I can't forget her. I can't sleep, I don't eat well and I started drinking! I lost faith! What can I do? I live in the Middle East in some kind of "historical society" that should be in museums. There is no way to meet a girl outside the university and now it is summer holidays, and she should be here in town. There are no phychological doctors in this country. Please help!

Answers:
Mr. Know: The girl has not responded to you because you came across too aggressively. You most likely scared her. She probably thought you were acting like a stalker. Please forgive me for not understanding all of the rules and nuances of your society. But from what I know, it is very difficult to talk about this to someone. You are exhibiting some obsessive compulsive behavior which can be channeled in the right direction.

First of all, you have to figure out a way to meet other girls. Make friends with them without putting any pressure on yourself to date them. Second of all, if you really want to have an opportunity with this particular girl, I suggest you become friends with her sister. Knowing the sister is the best way to help her stop feeling like she knows nothing about you.

Dude, you have got to calm down here and control yourself. You may want to tell her sister the truth about what happened, AFTER you get to be friends with her and see if she can help you. You may also want to find out from her sister whether she's dating or interested in someone else. There are plenty of women in this world and sometimes things don't work out like you want them to. Who knows, maybe the sister is a better catch, or maybe there are other women at your University that are a better match for you.

There's nothing wrong with you. You are acting like a normal 21 year old guy. You do not need a psychiatrist. You just need to learn from this experience. Look at it this way. Angelina Jolie turned me down and I found someone much better than her. You can do the same.

Ms. Mystery: Everyone your age feels the way you do at one time or another. This is not love, but infatuation. You don't even know this girl. You can't truly love anyone unless you know them beyond how they look. And then their personality will make them either more beautiful or ugly to you.

You scared her away and you may never have a second chance to make a first impression with this one. There are many, many women in the world and you learned what NOT to do next time.

Keep yourself busy so you don't think about her all the time. Find another girl. If it is meant to be, then she will come back to you eventually. But in the meantime go out and live your life the best you can and have fun!

Comments

[Elaine]

Dude, get over her. You are obsessed with your fantasy. Wake up! It's been five years. She didn't like you then, what makes you think there is hope? Move on for your own sake. If a girl likes you, she'll make sure to let you know.