When She Just Wants to be 'Friends'

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Question: I'm a 15 year old boy, in high school. A year ago a new girl moved to my school. She was in my class and after a few months she and I became close friends.

I developed feelings for her and during a conversation on instant messaging I asked her, "Have you had any feelings for anybody at our school?" She replied that she liked me and another boy. She wasn't aware I had feelings for her. A month later, I told her I had feelings for her but I didn't want it to affect our friendship. And she replied that it wouldn't.

A few weeks later I decided I wanted to take things further with her, so I asked her out. She said she didn't feel the same way and she was sorry. She and I stayed friends after that - best friends.

She told another girl from our school that she thinks these two other boys are hot, and the word got around fast. One of those boys was the same boy she had liked before. The other was a good friend of mine and I got very jealous. I felt that she changed when she was around him, and this lead to three fights between she and I over the next few weeks. The arguments only lasted a week or so, but they still happened. We always ended up talking in the end and things have been good since then.

She is a difficult girl and very confusing. She does random things which I believe she does in order to have an effect on me. Things like putting me 2nd on her Top Friends List after another boy from school, and listening to songs with titles like "I Love You" while chatting with me online.

When I don't talk to this girl or show signs that I still like her, she acts like she likes me. But the minute I make it obvious I like her, she acts like she just sees me as a friend. She flirts with me on a daily basis.

I don't want to give up on her. I've tried getting over her but after three days, I give in and realize I'm in in love with her. Any advice you offer is much appreciated.

Answers:
Ms. Mystery: Love has been like this throughout history. You love someone who loves someone else. It happens over and over until your are older and ready to find the 'right person.' There have been thousands of movies, songs, and books written about that very thing. It causes pain, suffering... it is life.

There are so many other girls out there! This girl simply enjoys the attention you give her. She likes having a guy around who loves her. You can't blame her. But she gives nothing back. Trust me, even when you act like you don't care, she KNOWS you do.

Don't let her waste another minute of your time. You aren't on Earth to follow her around and make her feel adored like a puppy dog. Stop being her 'fan club.'

Of course you feel jealous! That's normal. But it's the most horrible feeling in the world. You seriously need to get away from her and find another girl.You deserve better.

As soon as you're over her (really over her, not pretending to be over her) then she will try harder to flirt and get your attention back. But that is only for selfish reasons. Don't fall for it. I wish I could have recognized selfish people like that when I was your age. It would have saved me a lot of time.

Mr. Know: You are wasting your time with this girl if you want her as a girlfriend. She can't make up her mind what she wants. You are 15 and there's a big life ahead of you. There are lots of beautiful and nice girls out there. You may think she's the only one but she is not.

You sound like a very nice guy and if I were you, I'd cut her loose. If you continue to be "best friends" with her it's only going to make it worse for you. I know, I know. You may think she the only one and you can't give up on her. She is not the right one for you.

Let me repeat it again: Dude, cut her loose, find new friends and get yourself a new girlfriend. One day, you will thank me.

p.s. Please do not get "serious" about relationships at your early age. Enjoy the friendships and dating. There is plenty of life ahead of you.